The weirdest thing happened at a recent Freethought Conference. Darrel Ray went up on stage and asked for a show of hands: how many people in the room masturbate? I thrust both of my hands enthusiastically into the air. I looked around to see some other hands in the air, and a few more hesitant hands indicating an embarrassed “I do” to the question. This does not seem unusual. Any nation that is dominated by religion with negative beliefs about sex will be permeated with shame and inhibition so deep that even atheists have difficulty overcoming these puritanical ideologies. This is when it gets strange. Dr. Ray asks “How many of you have had premarital sex?”. Almost every hand in the room is in the air, wavin’ it like they just don’t care. People are smiling and laughing at the question, we all recognize how silly it is to “wait until marriage” to have sex.
So if there is no guilt in admitting premarital sex, then why was almost everyone reluctant to say “yes, I masturbate”?
Almost everyone does it. As a wise sage once said: She bop, he bop, a we bop. I bop, you bop, and they bop.
Not only is there nothing wrong with masturbation, it is actually good for you!
After the talks were over at the conference I did an impromptu survey of various people. Why did you admit to premarital sex but not to masturbation? The most common response was that admitting to masturbation was basically the same as admitting that you don’t get enough “real sex”. The second most common response was along the lines of “I don’t want people to think I’m slutty” (only women seemed concerned with people having this perception of them). The honesty in the answers was appreciated, but the reality of it was sad. I wanted to shake these people into the happy reality that masturbation does not make you seem desperate. It does not make people think that you aren’t getting any “real sex”. And it absolutely doesn’t make you seem like a slut!
This morning I was laying next to the air conditioning following my whack-off session, thinking how depressing it is that there are so many people wasting a perfectly good Sunday morning at church when they could be at home masturbating instead.
Masturbation is so awesome, I want to shout it to the world: I LOVE MASTURBATING!!!
If I get my way, I start and end every day by masturbating.
Feeling particularly frustrated or angry? Masturbate.
Period cramps? Masturbate.
Stressed out? Jerk-off.
Low energy? Spank the monkey.
Maybe people will judge me. Perhaps it might make some think I am a slut. Who gives a shit?! Yeah, I’m a slut for my own body. Get over it.
Sometimes I use just my hands. Other times I will use a cheap, simple, multi-speed vibrator. I like having something multi-speed that can be used for clitoral stimulation as well as penetration. Dudes can use it on themselves too – try varying speeds along the length of the shaft, on the head of the penis, or against the testicles. There are also some awesome masturbation toys specifically for penises (I can’t wait to get my dirty little hands on one of these some day, I really want to test it out on my boyfriend!).
Maybe I’m in a bit of a hurry, and just need a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am. In that case I will use a small pocket rocket. This only has one speed, and it’s pretty intense. It’s great if you want to get off with clitoral stimulation without having to take your pants off. Men… you can use this too. If the feeling is too much directly on your skin, you can use it through your pants on your taint (the spot under the balls, before the anus) or for non-penetrative anal stimulation.
Don’t be afraid to test out the toys, or even you own hands, on various places on your body. Nobody is watching you, no one can read your thoughts. There is no such thing as a thought crime, let your imagination go wherever it wants.
I love masturbation so much that my fap material is typically just videos or thoughts of other people masturbating! Watching other people having a good time with themselves is a good time for me, too.
Masturbation is also one of my favorite partner sex activities, too. Seeing my partner touch himself (or herself) in the way they like it is incredibly stimulating, it can be a very effective form of foreplay. Mutual masturbation is a perfect way to get to know your partner’s body, you can see first-hand how and where they like to be touched. It can be foreplay or it can be the main course, it can involve self-touching or manually stimulating each other. Considering how secretive people are about masturbation, I think it can be one of the most intimate acts that people can do together which is very exciting.
You can make it kinky, you can dress up, turn it into a role-play scene, or you can keep it vanilla.
If your partner has been sexually assaulted in the past, mutual masturbation can be a safe, comfortable way for them to become intimate with you. If you are someone who has experienced sexual assault, self-touch is a way to help yourself remember that your body can be a source of pleasure and happiness.
Why do I care whether or not the majority of people are embarrassed to say that they masturbate? Because if one is holding on to feelings of shame tied to masturbation, it means that you also have feelings of shame tied to your body and to sex in general. And this often leads to imposing feelings of shame and guilt on others. A sex-positive society will lead to a healthier society in general.
Acceptance of others needs to start with acceptance of self. So I am urging readers to do some reflection on why they are embarrassed to admit they masturbate. If you are not embarrassed to admit it then vocalize your self-acceptance and sex-positive ideas to others, let them know there is nothing wrong with masturbation. When you hear someone speaking negatively about sex or sexuality, don’t just go with the flow. Speak up!
You can start encouraging a more sex-positive society right now.
In the comment section, tell everyone “Yes, I love masturbating!“.
And just for the lulz…